Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
