Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
