dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
