You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
