I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
