The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
