So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
