I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
