My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
