I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
