Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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