Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
