So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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