I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
