Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
