things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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