I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
