i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
