She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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