all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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