I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize