I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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