I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
