Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
