Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
