Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize