I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
