that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
