you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
