Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
