dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
