I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize