You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
