I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
