I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
