walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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