We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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