What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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