This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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