I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
