Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
