we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
