i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
