If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
