So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
