You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
