I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
