I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
