We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Randomize
