Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
