well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
