I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
