This girl is more easily done than said...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sext me about skeletons
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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