I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
