dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
