I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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