Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
