every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
