We're like a lot better than the average bears
even my farts smell like vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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