True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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