drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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