yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
