when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
