How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize