I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
