Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
